In my last wintergreen journal, I wrote about my travels to get to The Center for Benedictine Life at the Monastery of St. Gertrude, and the first part of my time there as artist-in-residence. After writing that post, I performed a public concert for the sisters and people from the area, wrote more music, did some exploring, met some more new people, wrote some more music, shared more music with the sisters, said goodbye, and headed home a different way than I came. I thought I’d write a bit about this second half of my journey, now that I am back home in Fort Wayne and have had some time to reflect. If you live in Fort Wayne, I want you to know that you are invited to come hear me talk about my experiences at the Monastery, and to hear Eli and I play some of the new music I wrote this Sunday, February 11th, at 3pm ET. We are hosting a house concert with afternoon tea (and some good snacks from the Monastery). Come hang out!
Last bit of housekeeping: our crowdfund for the two albums we have been writing is live for SEVEN more days (as of the posting of this journal). Please check out our crowdfund on Kickstarter and see if there is any way you can help us out: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/thedeneckes/the-deneckes-double-album-crowdfund. We are so grateful to absolutely every one of you who has been able to support our goal of making these two albums so far. Thank you!
The second half of my time at St. Gertrude’s started out with a public concert in the chapel on a Sunday afternoon. After my first week of songwriting, I had a handful of new songs to share with the sisters and anyone from the area who wanted to come listen. There are typically several people from the local community who come to the Monastery for church on Sunday mornings. It was lovely to meet some of the people who stayed for the concert. I met one woman who had driven from a few hours away. I also met a couple who are retired Episcopal clergy and participate actively at St. Gertrude’s on a regular basis. It was also nice to have a public concert to prepare for, it helped me stay on-track and focused about writing music for that first week.
After the concert, I got back to my routine of songwriting, praying, spending time with the sisters, and hiking (you can read more about my personal daily routine in the other wintergreen journal). Like I mentioned in the last journal, there were college students at the Monastery when I got there. When I arrived on Saturday, January 6th, the students had already been there for a few days. They were on a January term with Whitworth University, and their professor, Dr. Samantha Miller, was teaching them about old and new traditions and practices of monasticism. The students were mostly juniors and seniors in college, and I had a great time getting to know them. They left during my second full week at St. Gertrude’s. Besides the college students, there were other people in and out throughout my residency. Throughout the year, people from all over come for individual and group retreats at St. Gertrude’s. You can read more about some of those here: https://stgertrudes.org/retreats/. I always enjoyed meeting people who were on retreat. People came to visit, pray with the sisters, and hike in the woods for many different reasons. Here are a couple of pictures I took on my last full day, when I visited the Spirit Center (where retreats are typically held):
Skiing
My routine in my second week at St. Gertrude’s was similar to my first week, but the snow slowed down a bit, and the roads cleared up. I got to use my Indy Pass and go skiing twice that week. I went on a Tuesday and had perfect blue-sky conditions with powdery snow, and then I went back on a Saturday and had insane wet snow and slush but still a lot of fun. Both times, I enjoyed the scenic drive on highway 95 through the steep mountain canyons as much as the skiing. Like I mentioned after skiing at Powder Mountain in Utah in my last journal, skiing out west is DIFFERENT! The runs are so loooooooooong and steeeeeeeeeeep. My muscles adjusted to a different level of stamina, just being on the runs for more than a minute at a time! Hah! My two skiing days were like days off, yes, but also deeply contemplative times for me, as skiing by myself always is. Those long and quiet rides up the mountain on the ski lift are good thinking time, good praying time, and good songwriting time, too.
Spaces
Besides the slopes, I wanted to share a few more photos of other spaces at St. Gertrude’s. I know I shared at least one picture of the chapel in my last journal (when it was all decked out for Christmas and Epiphany). Here is another picture of the chapel which I took after coming back in from a hike one day:
This picture shows how this beautiful space serves many functions in the life of St. Gertrude’s. In the front, you see chairs facing towards the main area for worship. You can also see the organ and the small group of chairs for the choir at the front. Like I mentioned, many people come to St. Gertrude’s for Mass during the week, and especially on Sundays. On any given day, you will see local people at St. Gertrude’s for the Eucharist. In this photo, the door you can see on the left is the entrance into the chapel for the public (people can come in and visit throughout the day, too, just to spend time in the chapel). The larger door on the right goes straight into the rest of the Monastery. Through that door are the sisters’ offices, as well as their bedrooms, dining room, and other living areas. That’s where I was staying, too! It amazed me to think of such a beautiful space for worship being located in the same building where you eat, sleep, and work! Think about it. I was talking with Sister Teresa about this one day, and she pointed out that the downside is there are less physical boundaries when you live, sleep, eat, and work in the same place. I totally get that. But this morning, when I slept through my alarm in Fort Wayne and pretty much missed all of Morning Prayer with my church here, I remembered my brief time living one minute from this beautiful place fondly :)
Speaking of Morning Prayer, if you look at the bottom portion of the photograph above, you can see there is an additional seating area. This portion of the chapel has seats for two choirs of people to face each other during Morning Praise, Midday Praise, and Evening Praise. Those prayer times always begin and end with silent time for contemplation, and everyone faces East (where the front of the room is). Then, the two choirs turn towards each other, and share time in prayer through readings, liturgy, and chant. Each person has a designated place to sit. I became very accustomed to my little spot, where I sat two to three times every day depending on the schedule:
I was very lucky to have two very cool prayer warriors next to me every day, Sister Barbara Jean (on my left) and Sister Barbara Ann (on my right). They made sure that this Protestant did not get lost during prayer EVER! I loved getting to know both of them. In addition to the chapel, there are beautiful spaces all over the property where one might go to pray. Of course, I spent a lot of time hiking through the stewardship forest, which I included many photographs of in my last journal. Here is another one, just in case you forgot how lovely this forest is:
The sisters do intend for people to spend time out in the stewardship forest and all over the property of the Monastery. This is a part of their ministry which meant a great deal to me. I kept thinking about how many people have been ministered to by their stewardship of this forest in addition to the beautiful buildings on the land. You can read more about their Philosophy of Land Use here: https://stgertrudes.org/about/care-of-the-land/. Another interesting way that they bring their sensibilities about land, worship, and prayer together is in a space near the main building and before the stewardship forest called the Grotto Garden. I didn’t do a lot of sitting still while I was outside, because it was very cold for most of my time and I had to hike to stay warm (LOL), but if it were warmer, I would have enjoyed spending more time in this grotto:
I thought it was so cool that there was an outdoor space for prayer and contemplation in addition to the many indoor spaces designated for prayer and worship. Oh, there are so many more spaces I could write about! But I want to tell you about The Sisters.
Sisters
Why does this section start with a picture of a Happy Passover mug? Well, mainly because I almost never had my phone with me when I was with the sisters, and thus, have no pictures with them. But also because I found this mug among a sprawling collection of mugs in the dining room, and it made me smile. A major priority of Benedictine spirituality is Hospitality. People of any faith or no faith at all are welcome to visit St. Gertrude’s. I’m not sure how this mug found its way to the Monastery, but it felt like a small token of the broad acceptance and love which the sisters demonstrate towards others (for example, my being Protestant was at no point an issue for anyone in any way). As early as my interview with Sister Teresa, I sensed this welcoming and hospitable spirit. I was not even prepared for the level of hospitality and kindness which they expressed once I was physically there.
Most of my writing has been about my inward experience while visiting The Monastery of St. Gertrude, because it is still difficult to put into words what these women are like. Yet, they are the best part of this wonderful place. First of all, they are actually very normal people. And by normal, I really mean normal. If you ran into one of the sisters on the street, you would not in any way instantly know that she is a Benedictine Sister. One reason is because they do not wear habits at St. Gertrude’s. They wear sweatshirts, and sweat pants, and jeans, and sneakers, and bathrobes, and slippers. On Sunday? Usually pretty dresses and skirts. I spent a lot of time talking with Sister Elisa, who, like many of the sisters, was a part of the Monastery of St. Gertrude during Vatican II. She told me all about the transition from wearing habits to wearing “secular” clothing during that time period, and how bizarre it was for them at first. They even brought psychiatrists to the Monastery to help them talk through what a change this was. I think habits are really neat — that visual expression of faith and vocation — but I found it nice as an outsider living among the sisters for a short time to also have a visual reminder that they are normal people. This is really silly, but I was prepared for some reason for them to all act similar to each other. I don’t know why I expected that. Maybe because they all took vows to uphold a really similar lifestyle? But they are each very different. I mean, imagine spending a significant amount of time with 15+ people for a few weeks… You quickly see all the different personalities and dispositions.
Of course, they are not really normal people. They have made a significant and radical commitment to God, each other, and a lifestyle which is quite unlike the average American’s. I wish I could write about each of them, but there is much better writing about them here (you can read all of their amazing bios by clicking on their pictures): https://stgertrudes.org/meet-the-sisters/. Each community is called towards a different expression of monasticism (though all spend significant amounts of their time in prayer and worship). When this particular group of Benedictines came to the United States from Switzerland, they quickly realized God was not asking them to live a totally cloistered existence. They saw too great a need in their new home, and began to use their skills towards callings as teachers and nurses. You can read more about the history of this particular group here: https://stgertrudes.org/history/. That being said, I realized through talking with people before and after being at St. Gertrude’s that many in our society are not really aware of what monastics are up to in any context. I hope I have given a little, tiny window into their life by sharing my experience, but I really hope that if you are even remotely intrigued, you will go visit some monastics! You could go all the way to Cottonwood, Idaho, but I bet you have some monastic friends closer to you than that. Do some Googling and you’ll see.
What I want you to know, reader, whatever your background is, whether you are religious, atheist, agnostic, or somewhere between is this: there are quiet places in the world. There are places where you can rest. There are places where you can be alone. There are places where you can think. I know that some may read about my experience and think that they would never have the time or resources to do something similar. That may well be true, you might not be able to travel for several weeks to a far away place to write music. What about a Saturday afternoon? Might there be a place you can drive to have some quiet before Monday? I think there is. I’m also a good researcher, so if you don’t know how to find a good place to go you can ask me for ideas. I think transparency about finances is important, too, so I’ll say share a bit about my situation. Currently, Eli and I are living off of ONE full-time income. It does not take a lot of math skills to figure out how exciting that can be! Why do you think we have to use Kickstarter to crowdfund our albums? Yet, places like St. Gertrude’s are preserving a place in the world for people who need to go there. As artist-in-residence, I was given all of this for free (they are like SO SERIOUS about hospitality!!!!). I was not asked to contribute any money to be there. Most monastics who host people do not charge much, if they ask for money at all. It is often a donation-based system (Eli and I were fortunate to experience this same monastic hospitality along the Camino de Santiago a few times in the Summer of 2021, as well). You give what you can (if you can), and you are given more than you thought you needed.
This is the point I am trying to drive home:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Send-Off
It was, indeed, a long journey home. Not only was it difficult to leave such a wonderful place, but it was also quite literally difficult to drive to and from such a wonderful place! The night I arrived, when the snow began to fall only five minutes before I pulled up, I thought about how grateful I was that the weather (and whichever guardian angels were assigned to my bold travel plans) had allowed me to get there safely. Sister Teresa told me that she thought their motto should be “difficult to get to, but worth it.” I quite agree. The drive home also involved mountains to traverse, though they were not as big. I had such a good first travel day leaving. The roads were completely clear and I took a very scenic drive on highway 12 across to Western Montana:
Upon arriving in Missoula, Montana, I spent a really lovely evening catching up with my old friend from grad school, Holly. We had some delicious cheeseburgers and beer, and made a night of it! The next afternoon, I was reminded of another vocational calling I have sensed in my life (in addition to music): teaching. Holly showed me hospitality not only by hosting me for two nights in Missoula, but also by inviting me to come share a songwriting workshop with her delightful American Roots Music Ensemble at the University of Montana. Oh my goodness. These students! They were great musicians (they have a great mentor), and they were deep thinkers. I can’t tell you how much it warmed my heart to hear their insightful comments on the lyrics I labored over at St. Gertrude’s. I also played “wintergreen” for/with them, and when we finished, the students noticed tons of metaphors and poetic choices I made in those lyrics. One of my favorite moments was when a student, bursting with excitement, said, “I hope I’m not making too much out of something that isn’t there, but were you alluding to Robert Frost in the lyrics to the third verse?” They were just the best students. I spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the campus, and when Holly got done with her work day, we had a good old grad-school-style evening of working at a brewery. I headed out the next day, off to Glendive, Montana, clear on the other side of the state.
I love how Missoula just had mountains surrounding the entire town. So cool.
My drive from Missoula to Glendive was beautiful and varied. I had clear roads and skies, and the topography changed significantly. It was about eight hours of driving. As I got closer to Glendive, the mountains of Western Montana gave way to the badlands of Eastern Montana. Did you know that badlands are a thing? I knew that Badlands National Park was a thing, but I didn’t know that in this region of the country, people refer to this specific landform as “badlands.” In Glendive, people were telling me about the “badlands on the edge of town.” In this tiny town, they had a park with these insane landforms and there were people just taking their casual morning jog there when we drove through.
Oh my goodness, Glendive. The people there were really lovely. I did my makeup in an Arby’s drive-thru an hour away, and got there with exactly enough time to set up my PA and start playing at 7pm. I think the people from Glendive were one of the best audiences I have ever played for. They filled up Glendive United Methodist Church, they listened to lady of the gardens before I got there, they bought a bunch of CDs, they openly cried while I sang “lavender” and told me stories about it afterwards, and they told me everything they love about their town. It was a big risk for me to take the time and resources to sojourn all the way to St. Gertrude’s, and planning a solo tour on either side of the residency was a risk and a lot of work, too. The warmth of response I received from the students at University of Montana and the audience in Glendive, Montana was encouraging to an extent that I did not anticipate or know I would need for my long journey home. And, I mean, I love college towns and I love small towns. Imagine being a mostly unknown musician and driving into a small (VERY remote) town and seeing this:
Then, on a cold night, walking into this warm, beautiful space to play your original music for a bunch of kind, expectant strangers:
I simply had to go back into the sanctuary the next morning, because of how many people told me the night before how much they wished that I “could see how beautiful the stained glass is when the sun is coming through it in the morning.”
I had the nicest time catching up with Pastor Logan of Glendive UMC, too. He is a friend-of-a-friend - he went to seminary with my dear friend Annie. We met through a variety of wedding-related-activities last year, and when Annie pointed out to me that I would be driving through his town, it seemed like a crime not to stop and play a concert at his church! I’m SO glad I did. He loves Glendive, too, Southern boy from Alabama that he is, all adjusted to the cold dark winter. He told me all about his favorite parts of the town, too, and I would say that he is now not only a friend-of-a-friend, but a friend, whom I would love to visit in Glendive, Montana again some day.
I couldn’t help but stop and visit two hooligans who I have been seeing pretty often these days, the dearest Jeff and Leah. The photograph above was taken at a house show which they were at when I arrived in Minneapolis. I tried to crop it so you can’t really see the random strangers in the photo but can see the instructive sign which must have been based on some prior incident. It’s always good to see old friends, especially after many hours on the road. Pacific Time, Mountain Time, and finally, Central Time. I only had one time zone to go!
We had lots of fun, like we always do! And we were up late, like we always are. We slept late the next morning, and then I Irish-goodbyed, eager to get on the road for one last long day of driving. Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Eastern Time, Fort Wayne… what a blur. I can’t believe I’m back. Obviously I am especially glad to be back in the same house with Eli! Everything feels the same here, in a good way. And I feel different, also in a good way. I partially feel different because, two days after getting back, I found myself stuck in bed with a stomach bug for half the week. Now I’m healthy and I’m ready to get back to work on these songs. This semester is my VERY first without any classroom teaching commitments since 2017. I was a graduate teaching assistant for my first five years of grad school, and I taught for someone on leave at Purdue Fort Wayne in Fall 2022, at Ohio University (online) in Spring 2023, and at Stephen F. Austin State University (online) in Fall 2023. Needless to say, I haven’t had a lot of time to write. Here I am! Grateful. There’s more I could say, but I hope that I will have the chance to share more through the songs I have written and will write during this intriguing moment of my life. May it be so!
Last sunset at St. Gertrude’s.